Friday...and there's SUN!!

I want to jump...I want to run....well, ok....I really just want to go wash the car! Problem is...my shoulder is so bad, I can't manage it. I'd go do the drive thru thing..but the car is SO BAD...I don't think it would look good. It's one of those times when you've just got to get a good scrub going. Guess I'm gonna have to guilt Allen and/or Owen into it.
I walked around outside a little while ago. The moles are working. Where do they go when it's freezing and the ground is hard??? Wish they would dig to China...and stay there! A few years ago...a mole dug a tunnel all the way to my pool....one day it was all beautiful and sparkling....the next morning I looked out...and it was dry as a bone! Yep...stupid mole bit a hole in it.....hope he drowned!!
Think I'm getting spring fever.....I want to plant flowers....I want a huge garden....I want to mow the yard.... AND THEN...I wander: what is going to happen with this bad shoulder? I know I can't do any of these things if I don't get it fixed. I'm still waiting to hear from the MRI what's wrong with it. UGH...I shutter to think of surgery. I wish like crazy that if they put me to sleep....they could do a breast reduction...AND shoulder repair at the same time....is that possible??? Hmmmmm maybe...
I shiver at the thought of being at the mercy of Allen. Can you imagine Allen washing and blow drying my hair? Helping me with my makeup? Getting me dressed? (I may have a heart attack..) Have you also noticed I like to use a lot of dots........??? LOL
I've been looking at the old laptop and looking at old pictures. Wow, the babies have grown so much. I made myself sit down and order a bunch of pictures from snapfish. They are to put in Sophia's album. If I don't make one...she won't have one of her childhood at all. I know that Diana and Owen aren't keeping anything for her. I try to keep records and pics of all her stuff. I wonder what she'll think when she's grown. Maybe I'll write her a letter and place in her baby book to be opened when she's 21.
OK, time to stop this and go pay some of those glorious bills. Thank you Lord for the brilliant blue skies.....and the SUN!!!

Thurs Nite

It's been a long day....Sophia has had an awful cough and head/chest full of congestion. Her nose has been running for seems like a month. Her cough was so bad that I had to ask Owen to take her to the dr. He gets so frustrated because he says (and it's true) that the drs nowadays won't give antibiotics hardly at all. I told him I would take her in. I dressed, and we dressed her and away we went. It took about an hour. He said her chest was ok, but she does have at least one ear infection (rt) and he thought perhaps the other also...(ear wax). He said it's time for tubes. She's had fluid in her ears since last October. He'll send her to an ENT Dr. She's been asleep most of the afternoon. I pray she gets to feeling better.....He gave her augmentin.
Allen wrote an email this afternoon to Jordan's aunt. He explained what had happened...what we had done...what he had done. She forwarded the email to Jordan's adopted (x) dad. They both responded with emails. They of course were apologies...of course they have been thru this a million times with him. It's done....it's buried....
I'm excited....tonight a new Project Runway started. I have been waiting soooo long for the new tv shows to start!@!! woohoo. Also the show Leverage started last night. I asked Denise to watch P. Runway with me so we can discuss it!!!! I should have called Linda too. HOpe she catches it. My phone is dead....need to plug it in.....
Tomorrow I was hoping to get a bunch of things done...but looks like Sophie may still be home sick. sooooooooooo we'll see.....
When I was driving So. to the dr. today...I heard a GREAT song on the radio... It said....."We don't have to walk on water............It's how we walk on land that counts". I loved it.

more tuesday

Just had a wonderful bath....ummmm. Nothing like a nice bath...with good smelling stuff. Bath and Body Works smelly stuff. Yum....Shame nobody is here to smell me!!! LOL Although...I smell good....I'm in long underwear, baggy knit pants that are too big and comfy, Allen's long sleeve tshirt and a fuzzy vest that doesn't match.....and to top off the onsemble...(sp) a pair of those thick sock things that you get from the hospital with the gripper things on the bottom. SEXY!!!! But................... I smell good!!!! Oh..............and I put on makeup....... I alway try to put on makeup. Although I'm out of my good makeup...so now I'm down to the cheap kind. I have tried to teach my girls to always fix their face.....just because.....think of the poor people....namely your loved ones that have to look at you all day!!!!!!!!!
Did I mention that my parrot has decided that he likes to sleep in my rocking chair? I think his cage bars are cold.....poor Freddie. I took a picture....maybe I'll try to post a picture.
I also want to try to post a picture of Sophia and her first skirt. I'll have to admit...the skirt was cuter on the hanger....than it was on her. First it kept slipping down over her belly. Second....she kept yanking it down. I must say tho..........she was adorable......she always is...........
OK, enough..........see ya

Tuesday morning

Good morning! Woke up with a little headache.....but a cup of coffee and a couple Excedrin Migraines seem to help! I think the weather is changing and that always triggers the headaches! Now the sun is peeking thru!!!!! Woohoo!!!! In the winter....that is a TREAT!!! It's a sure fire cure all for me.....!! Thank you Lord!! Oh how funny.....as I looked down from the sun...I see it's snowing too!!
Allen took me to the movies last night. We saw the Blind Side. I had been wanting to see it since it came out. I felt kind of bad when we were in the car....and Allen said..."I'm not sure this is the best time for us to see a movie about people taking in a boy in need." I could still feel the pain in his voice. I said.....well, this is a different story.....let's just see it and try to enjoy it. We did enjoy it, but I have to admit......there were many times.....I wanted to cry.....because I knew exactly what the Mom who took the boy in was thinking and feeling. So it definately was bittersweet for us. The difference between them and us.....the boy they were helping was not crazy. LOL
We are doing much better. Allen did go yesterday and took the final step towards untangling himself from Jordan. He stopped being his payee. Jordan got another man (who in the past has taken advantage of Jordan) to be his payee. We can't do anything about it.........so.........we are done.....completely. End of subject. Everyone at church has been nothing but loving and caring and understanding to us. Of course there is always the one.....person who hugged me close......and whispered in my ear.............I told you so............but........whatever.
We will not let us stop our work for the Lord. Yes, it has taught us some lessons. No, it has not killed out spirit.
I'm setting my goals on digging out the junk in my house this year. Less is more. I wish I could have a big dumpster in my driveway!!! I think I would just load it up. So instead,,,, I think I'll just load up a few big bags at a time.....and take them to goodwill. One bite out of the elephant at a time!!
OK, enough.....hope all of you are having a good week. Stay positive...do something nice for someone......smile!!...........I love you all.

Good Morning

Woke up to yet another freezing, white day. Actually Fred (the parrot) woke me up. He was upstairs on the sun porch......screeching. I think he was cold....and wanted me to come and turn the gas fireplace on for him. Than he asked for a cracker..... spoiled brat.!! I do love him. He makes me laugh. I'll be somewhere in the house and I'll hear my daddy's voice.....saying something silly......(Fred). It makes me feel like Daddy is here with me.
Allen took me out for supper last night. I had not been out of the house in three days. I don't drive very much when the weather is bad. Plus Allen seems to drive my car most of the time now. Sometimes it bothers me.....but mostly I want him to be comfortable. We ate at Olive Garden....it was great. I did NOT have my usual....Eggplant Parm. I got the stuffed chicken marsala. It was FABULOUS. It came with garlic parm. mashed potatoes. Allen ordered garlic shrimp something over pasta. He ate a little of it.....and after I had him taste mine. He pushed his plate aside (to take home) and we both ate my plate. YUM We took Allen's plate home and Owen ate it....when he came in. Sophie was with her mom last night. We get her this morning.....
Allen took me to JoAnn's fabric last night. I picked out fabric to make the extra bedroom into Sophia's room. She has always been with Owen.....he has never wanted the crib moved. He is now ready to let her go to another room...... I found some fabric for her curtains that's beautiful. It's choc. brown with pink roses... then I got some gorgeous dusky pink silky stuff with a brownish tint....to gather and put over the windows for her french doors. I also got some pink/brown coodinating fabrics to cover her bumper pads, etc. It is girly...I can make it more baby with pink stuff. I love it. Can't wait to fix it.
That's about it....not sure what today holds. May our Lord be with each of you....keep you safe and warm.

After two extra days and nights of Jordan having to be with us....................
Allen finally found him a tiny apartment. Allen loaded up all his new clothes and all the things that we have bought him....and at 4 pm yesterday.....Jordan left.
Allen got him moved and then forced him to say what he really left for. Here's the reason:
Jordan felt like we were taking advantage of him.........and his money. (he has no money)

I won't be writing anymore on here for awhile...... Allen and I will take time to heal............

Please pray for us....................................

Love you

I'm low today......

Not sure what to write today. I need your prayers. I'm in such turmoil. My human side feels: mad, used, hurt.....USED....but mostly I've got this horrible pain in my stomach because of the pain that Jordan has caused Allen. I see the pain on Allen's face. Very rarely does Allen give words to his feelings...but when he called me yesterday and said.."I want to apologize to you for putting you through hell for three months." I knew that he was hurting. He feels like he's failed. At a time when we didn't have two dimes to rub together....we put out more than we had. We sacrificed giving our children christmas gifts.....to give Jordan the things that he needed. I'm not saying this for your sympathy. I'm saying it because it seems that every single STINKIN TIME Allen does something to try to do good.........or make money........or do something for God..........it always seems to end up getting thrown back in his face. I can hardly stand it............
Today....Allen is up and going at it again. He'll once again hide all his feelings, put on a brave face.....and go on with his work. He's once again the most patient, nice person to Jordan.....driving him all around.....bought him a sofa for his new apartment.....taking him to see about getting the new apartment. Allen will see to paying all his bills..........he'll try not to let me know...so it doesn't upset me......but he'll keep seeing about Jordan.
OK, I think I need to stop for now. Just please pray that all this will resolve. That I can heal the hurt feelings......that my physical body does not get sick.....it usually does when I get upset. I'm trying really hard to be OK........
Love you all......I wouldn't write all this except that I know you love us ......