yWorst Monday EVER..........................

I can hardly bring myself to post anything........this morning has been painful, infuriating, frustrating......and everything else.
I wake up about 8:30....go upstairs.....I notice that Allen and Jordan are gone. This is not unusual...sometimes Allen gets Jordan out of the house early so he doesn't wake me and Sophia up. I'm on the couch, Sophia wakes up....Owen comes in with her. Allen drives up alone......he walks in and says "Jordan is in town......looking for his own apartment". He said that Jordan was up at 5 am and wanting to go to town......he has decided he needs to live on his own. The air in the room is of: shock.........amazement............relief...........what??????????? ........what happened????.............
Allen doesn't want to talk much about it....so I just say...Ok, fine. Allen leaves. Allen does say.........."You just can't fix Crazy".............which made Owen laugh.....because Owen said.....Dad....."when I was a teenager you used to tell me......you just can't fix stupid!"
Allen leaves. A little while later.... Allen and Jordan come home. Jordan sits down and Allen has Jordan tell me.....I'm going to get an apartment in town. I say.....OK....I guess that's fine.
Allen tells Jordan to start filling out the apartment application and he leaves. After a few minutes...Jordan brings me the application and says...........I need you to fill this out for me. I want so badly to say..........You're a man.....you fill it out. Instead....I say...I'll write what you tell me. So I do.
I get up and start cleaning the kitchen. Jordan sits in the kitchen with me. I finally say.....how long have you been thinking of this??? Why did you let us spend $300 getting you a dog three days ago if you weren't going to live here????? Don't you owe us an explanation? He said........Allen forbide me from telling you. I said................OK,,,,, I bet I know....... you're Gay. He opened his eyes wide and looked at me. Said how did you know? I said...when I unpacked your junk...I found a gay pin. I said...it doesn't shock me. So what....are you planning on acting on it NOW????? He said that when Allen read from the bible the night before and it said it was wrong for men to have sex with men.....he had to bite his lips. He said he had gone to church's in town and they said it was not wrong.... I told him that there is only one bible and it says it is WRONG. He got very upset.....we argued and argued. I said.....so I guess it's your choice........live with us or be gay. He said.....do you think it's a choice? I said YES. God did not make you that way. He said....was it your choice to fall in love with Allen and marry him? I said.....YES......and for 32 years....I have chosen to stay married to him..... AND it was my choice to let you live with us for three months!!!!
We finally had to agree to disagree. Allen came home.....he and Jordan put a leash on Jordan's new dog.....and took her back to the pound. Jordan did not seem to care at all. Jordan got very very ugly with Allen in the car...at one point he threatened to get out of the car....Allen said...go ahead....and Jordan did. Allen pulled in a parkinglot and waited....until Jordan got back in. Now things are ugly ......Jordan has gone nuts.
The thing that breaks my heart the MOST.........is that Allen called me....and said...."I apologize to you...for putting you through Hell". Allen feels like an idiot, a failure. That's what kills me. Please keep us in your prayers....that we can get Jordan into an apartment asap. That we can close this chapter......and heal our hearts..................................
Both of us are torn up..................................